Battle of the Bards
|"Battle of the Bards"|
|Original Air Date: Febuary 6th, 2016|
Guild of Explorers
The Blood Snake Queen
|Images | Quotes|
URealms Side Quest: Battle of the Bards is the second campaign of URealms Side Quest, and it started airing on February 6th, 2016. In this campaign, the crew play as participants in a competition of performers called the Battle of the Bards.
|Lance "Tone Deaf" Briggs||Elf||Bard||Roamin|
|Iggy Iggy||Stone Tail|
The adventure begins as the party find themselves in front of the auditorium where the Battle of the Bards is set to take place. In front of them is a long line of both spectators and performers, anxiously waiting to get inside and show the crowd what their talent is. Lance "Tone Deaf" Briggs is worried that they don’t have their routine prepared and calls a practice together before they enter. In order to get the attention of Vanessa Squishwitz, the star of the performance, Popo launches a practice signal which consists of throwing a dagger into an Icebolt. While this originally seems to fail, it somehow gets Vanessa’s attention. Meanwhile Duncan, the annoying gnome assistant, goes off towards to line to see if he can buy some drugs. Their performance consists of three acts. Act one is planned so that Vanessa is singing in the front, Gear Man is on percussion, and Popo is dealing with special effects. In an attempt to make Vanessa seem sexier, Lance removes two buttons from Vanessa’s shirt. The group approaches the security at the front gate and is met with some resistance. The guard remembers that Lance was famous during his career, and Lance tells him that he is managing the band called “Future Winners”. The guard also lets the group know that they need to get security runes before entering the auditorium. In an attempt to get past the security guard, Lance uses Puppet Master, but is only able to mildly suggest their plan to him. They call over Vanessa in order to use her “feminine charm” to convince the guard to let them pass. Next Vanessa gives the guard a kiss on the cheek to charm him. This works and the guard lets them in past the first security checkpoint. At the next security checkpoint they find another guard, who will not let them pass without runes. Lance, in an attempt to get past this guard, uses Storyteller in order figure out what the runes look like. Vanessa tries to use disguise to make it seem like she has a rune, but this sadly fails.
Vanessa attempts to flirt with the guard, but once again fails. The group then finds out about a famous contestant named Tiefa’ni who is a big deal in the Battle of the Bards. Lance tries to disguise into Tiefa’ni but ends up looking more like Vanessa than Tiefa’ni. In an attempt to get past the guard, Vanessa uses the Copycat ability on Lance’s Storyteller, to tell the guard the naughtiest story he has ever heard. This fails, and the guard puts the rune on Lance and Vanessa. On the way to the tent area the group confronts a guard who gives them the wrong information that the tents are all taken. The group proceeds to demean the guard, while Gear Man has a positive conversation with him. The group heads towards a nearby tent where they find a jacket containing 500 gold and white face paint.
While waiting for the show to start, Popo goes to a nearby tent and speaks with Porc performers, where he gets a bag of gunpowder from one of the members of their group. The group plans out their routine once again, and find that Gear Man has crystalline authentic whisper lake bottled water that can be used to summon Popo's Ice Elemental. Lance tells a story with special effects done by Gear Man. This story explains the why the idea of Vanessa wearing an ice dress would not work. A guard enters the tent and recounts the rules of the competition. When the competition starts, you pick a color: blue or red. The votes are based on audience reaction, and which ever color they vote for is the color that their runes will turn. The color that has the most votes wins. The guard then informs the group that their name is not on the list. When trying to cast puppet master on the guard, Lance gets shocked, but luckily he recognizes Lance. They give the name Lance and the Future Winners. Vanessa wakes up and the group heads toward the green room. In the green room the group finds two gnomes, one who seems to be in a magicians outfit, and another who is wearing white facepaint and a jumpsuit.
In an attempt to grab a smoke from Duncan, Vanessa punches his eyes out. Duncan gets abused further by Lance due to his levitate, and Popo by spitting in Duncan's eyes. The damage is somewhat stunted by Gear Man's dirty rags which are used as makeshift bandages. Gear Man, while looking through his gear looking for a lighter, breaks some a bottle of gasoline near the bottom of the gear. After lighting the cigarette on a nearby lamp, the group hear a message from the loudspeaker. The first act is "Lance and the Frankfurt Wieners" and Marcel. On the way to the stage, Lance and Gear Man levitate Marcel, and Popo spits on his face, melting his makeup.
As the performance starts, Vanessa realizes that she didn't do her makeup in the greenroom and when she attempts to cast her disguise, she fails. Vanessa starts with a flute solo, while Popo summons elemental sprite dancers to back her up. Marcel begins his act by climbing an invisible ladder. Vanessa then does a 360 to use her disguise, but fails and ends up singing with her casual voice. Popo launches an icebolt and attempts to throw a dagger at it, and succeeds. Gear Man, with perfect execution, launches up two fireworks into the air, and when they collide, Vanessa is showered in glimmers of fire and ice. Lance attempts to cast Aurora Borealis, but fails to do so. To end their performance, Vanessa ends her song with a pose, while Popo makes his elementals disappear, and Gear Man casts an Aurora Borealis. As the group walks off stage, they are pronounced winners of the round. On the way back to their tent Lance meets one of his old friends. He offers Lance a neon green substance called EXP. When Vanessa joins the conversation, she takes a sample of EXP. The effects are incredible and she feels high for the moment. She knocks this elf on the ground, steals his drugs, shoves her saliva covered hand into the bag, and then it goes into Popo's mouth all in one fell swoop.
When Popo takes the E.X.P. he has a really bad trip. Lance confiscates the EXP from Vanessa and then proceeds to take the rest of the substance. Lance feels like he can do anything after taking the drugs. As the group heads back to their tent they come across two large Porcs who are wearing black face masks, standing in front of a building. They ignore the Porcs and head into their tent. Still on their high from the E.X.P., the group decides to run back to the stage and walks in on a performance between Harold, the man that they saw in the green room, and a band with a dog. Lance uses Aurora Borealis on Harold's Hat Rats, and they explode into colorful confetti. He then charges at Harold to push him out of the way. Vanessa runs to the front of the stage, grabs the amplification wand and screams, "I heard you guys were ready for an encore". At the same time, Gear Man shoots off a couple of fireworks. Popo stumbles to the front of the stage and attempts to turn into a flock of ravens, but fails. Upon realizing that his Hat Rats have been killed, Harold lets out a scream of anger. As Harold pulls out his wand to cast fireball, it gets stuck and he blows himself up. Lance moves to the edge of the stage, and uses Lascene to bring four attractive females onto the stage to fan source the dancer positions. Lance begins to stomp a beat and they begin to set the next part of their performance.
Vanessa continues the performance by playing flute and beckoning the beautiful elves to dance. Popo, fully digesting the E.X.P., casts Air Sprites, who begin to dance with the women. He then casts Call Earthlord in order to give Vanessa a platform to stand on. Lance glances over to the red side of the stage and notices that they are facing the infamous, Ziggy Ziggy and Iggy Iggy. Gear Man attempts to levitate the women, but is only able to barely get them off the ground. Gear Man then casts Optical Illusion of Tiefa’ni in order to give her a hug to get the crowds favor. They love it, and now the blue side has a clear majority. Gear Man reaches into his hat and summons an Earth Lord in an attempt to kidnap the piano playing dog from the other team. Harold runs off the stage and accidentally knocks Duncan off as well. One of the dwarfs on the red side casts enlarge and their playing intensifies. Lance moves into the crowd, screams "You guys suck!", and throws a bottled wormhole at the red group. Lance then Puppetmasters a elf in the audience to throw a nearby gnome onto the stage. Sadly, the lead player takes out his guitar, and hits the gnome back into the audience. Lance feels the effects of the EXP again and attempts to put the band asleep with Lullaby. The dog and the base player fall asleep, but the lead singer and drummer are unaffected.
Popo transforms into a flock of ravens and, in an excellent V formation, begin to travel towards the red side of the stage. Gear Man pulls a Booty Curse spell from his hat, but before he can cast it, Vanessa uses Lascene to move their entire performance onto the red stage. Gear Man casts Booty Curse twice and mesmerizes the first two rows of the audience. Vanessa attempts to use Copycat to Puppet Master the enlarged guitar player, but he resists. She then begins to feel the effects of EXP, and feels invincible. Under the effects of the drug, she smacks one of Popo's birds out of the air. The enlarged guitar player then turns to face the party and uses Cleave to attack a large group of them. The drummer then fires off Arcane Missiles from his drumsticks as he continues to play a beat. Mesmerized by Gear Man, Lance attempts to Puppet Master the guitar player, but fails. Vanessa attempts to Charm the guitar player and also fails to do so. Vanessa begins to feel the high of EXP once again. Lance uses Puppet Master on the guitar player and successfully makes him break his guitar neck and walk off the stage.
Popo's birds are destroyed by the guitar player's Cleave, and Popo goes unconscious. Gear Man looks through his gear, and uses Pestilence on the enemy band. The guitar player realizes that he has broken his guitar, and punts Lance through Tiefa’ni in order to dispel the illusion. Both the dog and the bassist wake up. Gear Man pulls a Fireball spell from his hat and is able to attack through an incoming arcane missile. Gear Man then moves closer to the rest of his group and casts another Fireball at the guitar player. Gear Man attempts to cast another Fireball with Dwarven Fury, but faces Lance by accident and casts it directly into his party. Gear Man goes unconscious.
Lance turns into Harold and Vanessa attempts to turn into a Hat Rat, but she instead turns into a elf sized Hat Rat with Vanessa-like hair. Vanessa then takes a turn for the worse. She has pushed her body to the furthest point and LVL'd out from the EXP. She is unconscious. Lance carries Vanessa off the stage and he told the two dancers to bring Popo and Gear Man as well. Ziggy Ziggy, the guitar player, moves to the center stage and picks up Gear Man, while shouting "Do you want to see this man die?" There is a resounding yell from the crowd, but Ziggy Ziggy instead decides to make Gear Man their new gear manager. Lance rushes onto stage and begins to talk with Ziggy Ziggy. Ziggy Ziggy throws Gear Man into Lance and both of them fall off the stage. The group returns back to their tent, and when a doctor looks at Vanessa, she says Vanessa will never be able to perform again. Gear Man, under appreciated, leaves the tent and intends to become a drug dealer. Popo has lost his mind, and constantly wants to turn into ravens. Lance traps these ravens in a nearby wardrobe using Lascene, and him, Vanessa, and one of the dancers, Sandy, begin to leave the competition. Sandy is carrying the wardrobe with Popo in it. On their way out they hear a call from the stage for the Future Winners, but ignore it and continue leaving
|Character Creation - Episode 0||Feb 5, 2016|
|Episode 1||Feb 6, 2016|
|Episode 2||Feb 7, 2016|
|Episode 3||Feb 8, 2016|
|Episode 4||Feb 9, 2016|
|Episode 5||Feb 10, 2016|
|Episode 6||Feb 11, 2016|
|Episode 7||Feb 12, 2016|
|Episode 8||Feb 13, 2016|
|Episode 9||Feb 14, 2016|
|Finale - Episode 10||Feb 15, 2016|
- This is the first canon campaign of 2016.
- This is the first canon campaign that featured no Kobolds.
|Hosts||Rob | Deadbones|
|Players||Coestar | Deadbones | Justin | Roamin | Rob|
|Guests||Millbee | Nisovin|
|Season One Campaigns||Band of Thieves | Porc Hunters | The Jewel of the Dingo Isles | The Many Gobos of Pat | The Sunswords | The Unseen Rogues | Kobold Headhunters | The Zarlin Catacombs | The New Crew | The Silvermine Mountains|
|Season Two Campaigns||Woodcarvers | Okagnoma Guild Hall | Murder Bros | The Cobblers | The Tower of Ultimate Wizardry: Chapter One | Unexpected Discovery | Buckeroos | The Fall of Dundinborough | Den of Devils | The Skeleton King|
|Side Quest Campaigns||Guild of Explorers | Battle of the Bards | The Blood Snake Queen | The Death of Virgo|
|Playable Races||Dwarf | Elf | Gnome | Goblin | High Bear | Kobold | Porc|
|Terms||Attributes | Boards | Classes | Companions | Deceased | Dice Stats | Game Rules | Legendaries | Lore | NPCs | Quotes | Races | Tambok's Special Friend Show | Timeline|
|Extras||Card Creator and Viewer | Merchandise | Staff|
|Season One||Band of Thieves | Porc Hunters | The Jewel of the Dingo Isles | The Sunswords | The Unseen Rogues | Kobold Headhunters | The Zarlin Catacombs | The New Crew | The Silvermine Mountains|
|Season Two||Woodcarvers | Okagnoma Guild Hall | Murder Bros | The Cobblers | The Tower of Ultimate Wizardry: Chapter One | Unexpected Discovery | Buckeroos | The Fall of Dundinborough | Den of Devils|
|Side Quests||Guild of Explorers | Battle of the Bards | The Blood Snake Queen | The Death of Virgo|
|Non-Canon||The Many Gobos of Pat | The Nuren Campaign|
|Side Quest: Battle of the Bards|
|Players||Coestar | Justin | Roamin | Rob|
|Characters||Gear Man | Lance Briggs | Popo | Vanessa Squishwitz|
|NPCs||Duncan | Ziggy Ziggy|
|Races||Dwarf | Elf | Gnome | Porc|
|Classes||Bard | Theurgist | Magician|