Elmar Squishwitz

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Elmar Squishwitz
AffiliationThe Sunswords Military
AliasChilly Wizzy
Campaigns Porc Hunters
SeasonsSeason One

"Corporal Captain Chilly Wizzy!"
— Corporal Captain Elmar Squishwitz

Corporal Captain Elmar Squishwitz (/ɛlmɑː/), also known as Chilly Wizzy, is an Elf Wizard played by Justin that appears in Porc Hunters and by Rob in The Silvermine Mountains. He is a member of The Sunswords Military as a member of Theta Squad and was under the command of Captain Ca-Rell until the end of Porc Hunters, at which point he became the leader of the squad. He fought alongside Templeton Barringster VII and DeNada, charged with dealing with a horde of Porcs. He also appears in The Silvermine Mountains, as one of the guards of the prison, alongside DeNada.



Elmar is a male Elf with a thin figure, brown hair and blue eyes. He was known for wearing many coats with the first layer being a grey, hooded coat, the second layer a green coat with a larger hood, but shorter coat tails, and the third and final level a blue, hoodless one that is lined with fur and has the Theta symbol (Ө) on the right arm and is adorned with a loose brown belt and golden buckle. Underneath his coats, Elmar wears brown pants and brown boots with green laces.

Before his death, Elmar lost a game of Chilly Willy when DeNada revealed his true nature of being a Cultist of Bones by freezing Elmar's penis and proceeding to shatter it. The pain and shock caused him to be in a catatonic state that allowed Khn'n-Rell to steal the blue Winter Coat of Protection and his Warp Blade.


Elmar is an easy-going and friendly Elf. He gets along with everyone in the team and was the only squadron member to obey the captain's orders in the beginning. His laissez-faire attitude does have some drawbacks however, as he didn't seem to care about the Fire Spirit he accidentally created, the forest it burned down or the Elf he decapitated trying to defeat it.

He is loyal to his team mates, respects his captain's decisions and is not afraid of taking command, which caused him to be promoted to Corporal and eventually to succeed Ca-Rell as captain of Theta Squad.

Like most Elves, he hates Goblins and laughed so hard at one's misfortune he promptly fell off a bridge. This did cause some issues, since Elmar has severe hydrophobia and cannot swim.



Elmar holds much respect towards her for being the captain and always obeys her commands. This behavior caused him to be the first member of the Theta Squad to be promoted, and was later promoted again by her hand. They share a bond of mutual trust, which at the end caused him to be chosen by her as her replacement as captain of Theta Squad.


Due to his easy-going attitude, he meshes well with DeNada. They often share some drinks together at the bar and consider themselves best buds. At the end of Porc Hunters, they went off together as part of the new Theta Squad with both of them sharing the feeling that this new team was going to be fun.

During The Silvermine Mountains, Elmar's friendship with DeNada ended due to DeNada's reveal of being a member of the Cult of Bones, after freezing Elmar's manhood off after a game of Chilly Willies.

Templeton Barringster VII[edit]

Elmar and Templeton never really had any extensive relationship, viewing each other as co-workers. This neutral relationship remained until the end, although Elmar did his best to avoid much contact with Templeton.

Phineas Barringster[edit]

Elmar does care for the youth, as he was relieved that he didn't accidentally set him on fire with the Fire Spirit, but never had any real relationship with him until the end. Now Phineas is his underling as part of the new Theta Squad.

Vanessa Squishwitz[edit]

Elmar and Vanessa are related to each other. However, this relation was not expressed.

Fire Spirit[edit]

Elmar felt responsible for creating this Elemental, and thus took it upon him to defeat it. He did have some attachment to his creation however, since it took him a while to decide that killing the Elemental was the right thing to do.

Character Inventory[edit]

Powers & Abilities Belongings


  • [{Race / Elf}]
  • [{Class / Wizard}]
  • [{Cornerstone / Wizard Lovers}]
  • [{Attribute / Klutz}]


  • [{Passive / Heartwall Locket}]


  • [{Companion Ability / Bladeturn EX}]
  • [{Companion Ability / Blink EX}]
  • [{Theurgist / Ice Sculpture}]
  • [{Wizard / Fireball}]
  • [{Wizard / Flamelance}]
  • [{Wizard / Iceblast}]
  • [{Wizard / Pyroblast}]

Former Abilities[edit]

  • [{Wizard / Blizzard}]
  • [{Cabalist / Life Drain}]


  • [{Armor / Cloth Robes}]
  • [{Weapon / Oaken Staff}]
  • [{Weapon / Warp Blade}]
  • [{Supplies / Winter Coat of Protection}]

Former Belongings[edit]

  • [{Weapon / Dulled Vorpal Slayer}]



Elmar and DeNada were educated at the same university together, where they played the game Chilly Willies. Elmar also set fire to a patch of forest while on assignment, accidentally giving birth to a Fire Spirit.

Porc Hunters[edit]

Elmar was assigned to deal with Porcs causing problems for the town of Danevur along with his captain Ca-Rell, DeNada, and Templeton Barringster VII. Shortly after leaving town on their mission, Theta Squad comes across a Fire Spirit, and decide to help take care of it. Elmar is conflicted as he created the Fire Spirit and felt he had some connection, but ultimately helped defeat it because he was responsible for the destruction it had caused. The party then moves on to a bridge where they meet a Goblin who steals some of their items. The Goblin flees onto the rocks and then falls into the water, which causes Elmar to laugh so hard he also falls. Unfortunately, Elmar is hydrophobic and can't swim, so he nearly drowns. The party is then attacked by a Whisper Snake, which forces the party to fight among themselves. Once the Whisper Snake is defeated, Elmar receives a promotion from Ca-Rell. Theta Squad then proceed to meet with Dave, who is overseeing the escort of the dangerous kobold Chimera to the Silvermine Mountains. Chimera escapes his carriage and attempts to escape, but Theta Squad manages to subdue him and return him to custody. The team then proceed into the Porc cave, where they find a few Porcs around a spawning pit. Ca-Rell asks to be taken to their leader, and the Porcs peaceful take them to meet their master Porbo. Ca-Rell challenges Porbo to a fight over the leadership of the tribe, and the party fights and defeats Porbo and his Skelephelk companions. Ca-Rell decides to remain as the leader of the Porcs, and Elmar is promoted to captain of Theta Squad. On the way out of the caves, the squad runs into Templeton's younger brother, Phineas Barringster, who managed to kill several Porcs on his own despite his young age. Elmar invites Phineas to join Theta Squad, much to Templeton's dismay.

The Silvermine Mountains[edit]

Elmar is assigned to guard the prisoners in the Silvermine Mountains, along with DeNada and several members of Gwyneth Sunsword's personal squad. Elmar and DeNada prevent the prisoner Margaret O'Malley from escaping after the latter tricks Xavius Barringster to give him his uniform, and also break up a lunchtime brawl. When Khn'n-Rell leads his fellow prisoners in an attempt to steal a certain book from the library within the guard's quarters of the Mines, Elmar and DeNada attempt to stop them. When the fighting ceases, DeNada challenges Elmar to a game of Chilly Willies, where DeNada reveals he is working with the prisoners and freezes Elmar's manhood off. When the mines begin to collapse, Gwyneth attempts to help him escape, but he forces her to leave him behind so she can escape herself.


After Elmar had his manhood shattered, he was incapacitated by pain. Gwyneth found him and picked him up, and attempted to carry him out of the Silvermine Mountains. As Gwyneth struggled to carry him, Elmar convinced her to leave him so she could escape in time. After Gwyneth left Elmar, he curled up into a ball. His body was crushed by the rubble caused by the mountain's collapse.


  • Justin got the name 'Elmar' from an online Random Elven Name Generator.
  • Elmar had a cameo in the campaign The Sunswords as one of the transformations of the Meta Ytts.
    • The Sunswords, Gwyneth hints she had dated Elmar and wishes his cold spells could help them out during the barn fire.
  • Despite Justin making it clear that he didn't want Elmar to wield a staff, he was given an Oaken Staff as part of his canon inventory when the URealms Website was created.
  • Elmar cannot swim.
  • Elmar is the champion of Chilly Willy.
  • Elmar was originally featured on the Wizard class card in The Death of Virgo, but was replaced by Nisovin at the start of Season 2.
  • Elmar has the exact same puppet as Tennís from The Death of Virgo.