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RaceAgeless Porc
Campaigns The Jewel of the Dingo Isles
SeasonsSeason One

— Jakelad

Jakelad is a Gravehoof Porc Bard who is part of Captain Merci's crew in The Jewel of the Dingo Isles. He is the lookout of the Bocoe and sings whenever there is danger. He also appears in The Sunswords campaign as a prisoner that is held for demon worship, but escapes into the woods at the end of the campaign, thus leading into his position on the Bocoe. Jake is a member of the Cult of Bones.



Jakelad is a male Porc with a broad chest, black beady eyes, and yellow tusks. Jakelad wears sky blue, button up shorts, brown boots stylized for his hooves, a midnight blue cloak with white lining, a blue tricorn hat, a silver skull earing in his right ear, and Dvergr Rope wrapped around his chest.

After his brief time among the Crew of the Bocoe, Kinney Boots left Jakelad dead with a mangled face due to being repeatedly smashed in the face with a mace.


He believes in the un-dead gods of the sea as a member of the Cult of Bones, and hates Kobolds and Harpies. He loves singing, particularly singing songs that involving "Fucking the Kobolds". Captain Merci greatly enjoys Jakelad's music, and says that he can't have Jakelad doing anything but singing all the time.

Notable Attributes[edit]


Jakelad got along with Kallark Gandolin somewhat, since Kallark himself helped Jakelad create the "Fuck The Kobolds" song.

Kinney Boots deeply despises Jakelad for his music and general obliviousness. Jakelad is completely unaware of her hatred of him.

Character Inventory[edit]

Powers & Abilities Belongings


  • [{Race / Porc}]
  • [{Class / Bard}]
  • [{Cornerstone / Sellsword}]
  • [{Attribute / Herald of Bones}]



  • [{Bard / Charm}]
  • [{Bard / Lullaby}]

Former Abilities[edit]


  • [{Armor / Freeboot Coat}]
  • [{Weapon / Cutlass}]
  • [{Weapon / Six Shooter}]

Former Belongings[edit]

  • [{Armor / Studded Armor}]
  • Dvergr Rope
  • Flintlock Pistol
  • Spellblade Pasta Bread


Fuck the Kobolds[edit]

Timestamp: https://youtu.be/eYXzQ3Sb_R0?t=16m35s

There once was a captain who was a porc
And he was the greatest porc
The captain sailed the seven seas of porc
He's the captain porc

Fuck the kobolds, let the porcs
Live forever, let's drown the kobolds
Fuck the captain, fuck - I mean fuck the kobolds
Long live the captain

Jakelad the bard!

Note: Captain Merci liked this song so much he said that Jakelad would get extra wages for it.

Coast is Clear Song[edit]

Timestamp: https://youtu.be/eYXzQ3Sb_R0?t=18m36s

Fuck the kobolds, the coast is clear
I hope the kobolds die first
Fuck the kobolds, I don't see land

I hope... *

*Note: Captain Merci cuts Jakelad off here with: "Make sure those cannons are spick and span." Jakelad really likes those lyrics and want to add them to his song. Captain Merci says they are perfect and to add them. One can assume from this that this is how the song would continue or end, but there is no confirmation for this. Also note that likely the original song ended with 'the kobolds die first', as that seems to be the established pattern in the song."

Harpies are Coming[edit]

Timestamp: https://youtu.be/eYXzQ3Sb_R0?t=24m5s

I just saw a swarm of harpies
Coming to attack the ship
We should get below deck
Or else we'll probably die

Ballad of the Ghost Monsters[edit]

Timestamp: https://youtu.be/e5do0WkWeKo?t=25m5s

Fuck the kobolds, fuck 'em in the eye
Fuck the kobolds, fuck 'em till they die
Fuck the kobolds, I hate all of them
Let's turn them into fish yogurt

Note: Captain Merci likes this song so much he says that Jakelad's share is going up.

Crew Motivation Song[edit]

Timestamp: https://youtu.be/e5do0WkWeKo?t=36m1s

Fuck the kobolds, fuck them dry
Fuck the kobolds, fuck 'em in the eye
Fuck the kobolds, fuck 'em till they die
I hope that we live so I can keep singing

Note: this song was the result of Captain Merci's order to go below deck and sing a song to motivate the crew, ie Kinney Boots and Ol' Jo Krysstal. Obviously the kobolds did not appreciate the song. However Jo Krysstal did seem to take some motivation in it as he sang the same song to motivate the crew in The New Crew



The Sunswords[edit]

Jakelad appears as a prisoner of the elves who was arrested for evil cultist dealings and is being transferred to the Silvermine Mountains prison. Presumably, he spends most of his time during the journey singing his newly perfected song, "Fuck the Kobolds", to his fellow inmates and two children who all appear to be Kobolds. However, with the aid of his Porc allies and a charmed Kallark Gandolin, Jakelad is able to escape the prison carriage and flee to safety.

The Jewel of the Dingo Isles[edit]

Jakelad serves as a crew member and lookout on the Bocoe under the command of Captain Merci. Much to the dismay of his Kobold crew mates, Jake is ordered to sing his directly offensive songs at all times.

Jakelad's bard tricks proved to be quite effective when the Bocoe was assaulted by Harpies as Jake was able to hold his own for quite some time.

At the appearance of the Behemoth, Jakelad took his opportunity to forsake the crew and reveal his true allegiance to the Cult of Bones.


Jakelad's skull was crushed by Kinney Boots' mace, Lieutenant Surge, killing him, after he revealed his affiliation with The Cult of Bones and betrayed the crew, attempting to kill them. Kinney Boots brutally murdered Jakelad ultimately because of his racist songs, Jakelad's betrayal of the crew merely acted as a catalyst to his death.


  • During the stream Deadbones had joked that Jakelad had a twitter account for his charm ability. A fan later created the account @Jake_Thelad.
  • Jakelad was the first canon member of the Cult of Bones, and was the first allied NPC to go anti-party when the Behemoth attacked.
    • There was some confusion as to whether or not Jakelad was a member of the Cult of Bones after the cult's reveal in The Silvermine Mountains. With the launch of the official website, however, it has been confirmed that Jakelad was indeed an Ageless and a cult member.