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RaceSandbold, Whelpling
AliasPatches Mc'One-Eye
Campaigns The New Crew, The Skeleton King, The Sandbolds
SeasonsSeason One Season Two Season Three Sins of the Unforgotten

"Chat's Crazy!"
— Maelstrom

Maelstrom, also known as Patches McOne-Eye by the Crew of the Bocoe and Maelstrom Jebediah Moonkiller by McCarrot Smith, is a Kobold Sandbender played by Rob in The New Crew, The Skeleton King and The Sandbolds campaigns. Maelstrom was a member of the mysterious Sandbolds, whom he betrayed, believing in the Old Gods. Maelstrom was last seen being granted proof by the Old Gods, by gaining a Sin of the Unforgotten, and transforming into a Divine. His first act as a now Whelpling was to slaughter the Sandbolds.



Maelstrom is a male Kobold with brown rock fur, a single green right eye and a scarred left eye with a mysterious red gem embedded in the socket. He wears a dark grey v-neck tank top, shorts, and a hat with a gold earring in his right ear. Over these, he wears a brown belt, a large red belt across his torso with an oval gold buckle, and a red flowing cape that covers most of his left side. Notably, he keeps his scarred eye covered with a black eyepatch.


Maelstrom is shown to be extremely hostile and manipulative, planning a mutiny with Jo Krysstal after only recently joining the crew of the Bocoe. He shows particular sensitivity about his missing eye, growing visibly hostile whenever it is referenced. He potentially murders Jo Krysstal after the Crew of the Bocoe gathers to sing a round of "Fuck the Kobolds", which he takes as a slight at his lack of an eye given the verse "Fuck the Kobolds, fuck them in the eye."

Notable Attributes[edit]

Maelstrom has an unknown ability to cause pain in a person by having them stare into his damaged eye. He also has a prehensile tongue that is strong and flexible enough to catch a gold coin in the air. Maelstrom has the power to see through the fourth wall to see us and the players.


Jo Krysstal[edit]

Maelstrom tries to recruit Jo to his mutiny on the grounds that being the only two Kobolds left on a ship where their kind is hated. However, when Jo hesitates, his jocular nature turns to fury. Threatening him with death and revealing his enchanted eye. Later Jo partakes in a chorus of "Fuck the Kobolds", which enrages Maelstrom. When he sees that McCoy left them stranded in Laeyuleaugh, he realizes a mutiny is no longer possible. Enraged by this turn of events and Jo partaking in the offensive chanty, he gouges Jo's eye out and leaves him for dead.

McCarrot Smith[edit]

Maelstrom is McCarrot's previous slave child. It seems they were close when Maelstrom was young as McCarrot allowed Maelstrom to refer to him as father. When Maelstrom turned on him at the end of The Sandbolds, he had the ability to kill Maelstrom but was unable to due to sentimental reasons. Maelstrom ended up being enraged by McCarrot's presence, despite not even recognizing him at the time. McCarrot was killed by Maelstrom as a Dragon Aspect.

Character Inventory[edit]

Powers & Abilities Belongings


  • [{Race / Kobold}]
  • [{Class / Sandbender}]
  • [{Cornerstone / Reborn}]
  • [{Attribute / Secretive}]



  • [{Sandbender / Hourglass Sandstone}]

Former Abilities[edit]

  • [{Sorcerer / Blink}]
  • [{Sorcerer / Enlarge}]


  • [{Sandbender / Unusual Weapon}]
  • [{Weapon / Snakehunter}]

Former Belongings[edit]

  • Billy Club
  • Lassoo
  • Steak (2)
  • [{Treasure / Electronet Pistol}]
  • [{Weapon / Leather Whip}]



The Skeleton King[edit]

Whilst the Bopen's Crew are recruiting in a Tavern in the ruins of Dundinborough, Maelstrom enters the Tavern. He walks straight up to the crew, and Clott tries to mind read him, but is unable to. Maelstrom does not talk to, or notice, anyone specifically, but instead speaks to all of the crew through cryptic rhymes:

We meet again, yet still for the first time,
Tomorrow I join a New Crew, then next day a terrible crime.

You had your chance to follow my path,
But you chose The Law, instead of bloodbath.

You create those like me when you overextend,
Sins burned into flesh that cause us to ascend.
We feel you when you watch, 'Brutality' is your name,
To you, the gods above, this is simply all a game.

And so enjoy your story, the one you picked over me,
She will turn on you soon friend, just wait and you see.
We are the Order of Chaos, born from your Sins,
Our Vision, your gift, our Body, your skins.

The Crew was confused about what Maelstrom was saying, thinking he was a homeless man or just a riddle giver. Tobias Cragg eventually slaps him with his glove, and Maelstrom disintegrates into sand, being revealed as a Sandbold Illusion. None of the Crew cares about this revelation and forgets his cryptic message.

The New Crew[edit]

Maelstrom enters a Tavern in Koelowelldwarm. Introducing himself as a Kobold wanting to gain experience on the seas for little Treasure, he immediately gets McCoy's favour. He kills a Kobold and a Gnome to prove himself worthy, and after eating a coin with a frog-like tongue, McCoy brings him on board. While on the Bocoe, he displays notions of wanting to start a mutiny aboard the ship to Jo Krysstal and threatens Jo that he will kill him if he messes with him. He also reveals to Jo that, underneath his eyepatch, his missing eye has been replaced with a red gem that has a glowing aura of darkness. This intimidates Jo, who promises not to mess with him. Later, Maelstrom plays a Board game, URealms, with many of the new crew members of the ship, manipulating Cain and Young Ladyir as they play. Ultimately, his character is eaten by a Dragon, and in a fit of anger, declares the game is stupid and leaves.

Before the crew launches their raid on Laeyuleaugh, Jo, rallying the troops, sings the "Fuck the Kobold" song, which many of the crewmen sing. Maelstrom, however, looks disgruntled from the song. On the island, Maelstrom helps with the initial siege, ruthlessly killing many Elves and Gnomes who stand in his and his 'allies' way. Afterwards, as the crew splits up between robbing houses and plundering the Sunsword Manor, Maelstrom, alone with Jo in an Elven house, brutally strangles, mutilates, and presumably kills him, because of the song.

The Sandbolds[edit]

Early in this campaign, it was said that Maelstrom is the adopted son of the Sandbold McCarrot Smith. Maelstrom appears at the end of this campaign after a Divine Decision causes him to attack the Sandbolds instead of leading them. After a Donation Event triggers at the end of the Campaign, it causes Maelstrom to start transforming into a Sun Dragon God. He then loses control of himself wiping out the Sandbolds (minus a few exceptions).


Maelstrom is last seen meeting with Sallazhar the Art Thief and Douglass Winechester to discuss something important.


  • Maelstrom was actually an original character from Rob's old cartoon show, Unforgotten Realms. In the show, Maelstrom is half Kobold, half Ogre, but that is not yet a confirmed characteristic of Maelstrom in URealms Live.
    • Maelstrom also spoke in a rhyme, in the cartoon most of the time. This trait was not carried over in The New Crew, but it was shown in The Skeleton King completely through.
  • Maelstrom mentioned that he had a powerful brother who is locked in the Silvermine Mountains. Judging by how The Buckaroos ended, it was most likely Chimera.
    • There is also a theory that Maelstrom is the older brother of Unter and Gunter, due to both Unter and Maelstrom using the term 'Murder Bros'.
    • Alternatively, the brother could also be Philhipé, as he fits the "goofball" description that Maelstrom provides.
  • Maelstrom was brought on via a donation event in his first appearance in The New Crew.
  • Maelstrom was the original character to be featured on the Bandito's class cards in Season 2 and the Sandbender's class cards in Season 3, although he has not revealed if he knows any Bandito or Sandbender abilities. He was replaced by Borracho in Season 3's Bandito class cards.
    • Although it has not been canonically revealed if Maelstrom knows any Sandbender abilities in any campaigns, his Season 3 character sheet on lists that his class is Sandbender, with the Sandbender weapon Unusual Weapon and ability Hourglass Sandstone.
  • Maelstrom was the first Character to Ascend within the show, but not the first chronologically.
    • Rob stated that the donation event that triggered this change was just meant to show that it could happen and he never expected it to actually trigger.