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- "Okay, so you can't have 76 brothers and sisters. I'll let you have seven, or six."
- - When discussing Justin's character background.
- "How are you SO ERECT? It's been THREE HOURS, see a doctor!"
- - Said angrily by the barkeep to Johnny as they're getting kicked out.
- "It's like a pornographic version of 'Weekend at Bernie's'."
- "Hey Johnny, I think it's time we go... All In."
- - When speaking with Chimera and the rest of the group about robbing the Realm of Holding.
- "You want me to break that wall? I'll break it."
- - After breaking the fourth wall and being told to break a literal wall of the bar.
- "Wait, hold on, I don't think he can understand us.... Hey, Cluck Cluck, Cluck Cluck!"
- - When Chicken Head interrupts the party at the bar.
- I just (say), "Puss."
- - Mumbled at the Sheriff as he enters the bar.
- "Ya, tell 'im... Hey, you look like an onion, ya guy!"
- - Directed at Chicken Head in the bar.
- "She'll take ya parts. She'll take ya parts from you."
- - Said 'matter-of factly' to Orvan when he made disrespectful comments about Empusa.
- "I can still roll ones!"
- - When talking about silver at the end of the campaign.
- ".... but he doesn't really like (murdering), and his ultimate goal in life is to become a gourmet chef."
- - While explaining his backstory at the beginning of the campaign.
- "Ow. That really hurt my feelings."
- - When taking emotional damage during an E.X.X.X.P Ale trip.
- "-I'm sayin' ya look like yer horse."
- - When talking to Borracho about Groundbolds.
- "Borracho, listen to me. Her tit is smiling at me."
- - While getting scolded by Empusa during an E.X.X.X.P Ale Trip.
- "If you... dumb motherfuckers dON'T CUT IT THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU EACH OUTSIDE, KILL YOUR GODDAMN Groundbold, AND BEAT YOU EACH SENSELESSLY UNTIL YOU DON'T EXIST ANYMORE!!! Do I make myself FUCKING CLEAR!?!"
- - Livid after dealing with the party's drunken shenanigans.