The New Crew

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"The New Crew"
Original Air Date: September 12th, 2015
TNC Logo.png
Campaign guide
The Zarlin Catacombs
The Silvermine Mountains
Images | Quotes

The New Crew is the ninth official Campaign of URealms Live, and it aired on September 12th, 2015. In this campaign, the Bocoe hires new crew members for a new Pirate adventure.



Character Race Class Player
Cain Icon.png Cain Black Boar Warrior Deadbones
Ladyir Icon.png Ladyir Elf Wizard Justin
Marco Icon.png Marco Goblin Swashbuckler Roamin
Polo Icon.png Polo Goblin Buccaneer Roamin
Rick Snot Icon.png Rick Snot Elf Wizard Coestar


Character Race Class
Merci Icon.png Merci Porc Buccaneer
McCoy Icon.png McCoy Porc Swashbuckler
Jo Krysstal Icon.png Jo Krysstal Kobold Booty Raider
Octivias Icon.png Octivias Black Boar Lumberjack
Kinney Boots Icon.png Kinney Boots Kobold Swashbuckler
Maelstrom Icon.png Maelstrom Kobold
Phineas Barringster Icon.png Phineas Barringster Elf Cabalist
Bob Icon.png Bob Keen Paladin
Virgo Sunsword Icon.png Virgo Sunsword Elf Paladin

Battle Encounters[edit]

Plot Summary[edit]

Captain Merci has been given a new mission from Nisovin that requires more crew. It is to obtain the orange key from the Sunswords on their vacation island, similar to the quest in Band of Thieves. Rick Snot is Nisovin's apprentice and automatically a part of the crew to Merci's dismay. Merci put's McCoy in charge of recruiting more crewmembers. First comes a Kobold named Rupert Bearstein who claims to love stabbing and has killed a million men despite not having anything he could possibly stab anyone with on him. Next, an investor businessman walks up, but McCoy mocks his accent by imitating it. The gnome claimed he would invest money in the pirates, but walks away after McCoy mocks his voice. A dwarf walks up, not interested in joining the crew, but to touch McCoy’s arm.

Another Kobold, Maelstorm, walks up and asks to join the ship. McCoy challenges him to kill Rupert which he does with ease; he is allowed on the ship. Then a porc named Cain comes up and asks to join the ship as well. He shows his "friend" Tom to McCoy which is a kobold head he uses as a puppet. He is also let on to the ship but told he's not allowed to eat anyone which makes him upset. Master Cabalist Phineas comes up and asks McCoy to join the ship; McCoy makes him go get a note from his parents. Young Ladyir attempts to join the ship but fails. Phineas comes back claiming to have killed both of his parents and is let on the ship.

Merci is approached by two goblins, Marco and Polo who are blind and deaf. Merci isn't convinced that they are actually master assassins but allows them on the ship so they can do their "special move". McCoy is now by the ship and Bob (Justin’s character from Sunswords) comes up to him asking for a ride on the ship so he can see his "wife" (assumed to be Gwyneth). He threatens McCoy by saying if he does not let him on he will notify the Sunswords of their travel, however, he is counter blackmailed by McCoy when he threatens to kill his "wife". Bob reluctantly pays for passage.

Ladyir has snuck onto the ship and has hidden himself in Merci's cabin when they set sail. Maelstorm and Jo talk about possible mutiny and make an agreement that Joe will not get in his way. Cain and Rick are talking and Cain is attempting to get Rick to swim in a barrel (because he is allowed to eat things in barrels). However, Rick does not get in a barrel. Merci reminds him that he cannot eat crew members and tells him to get some fish yoghurt. Excited, Cain busts through the wrong door and the top half of his body is stuck in Merci's cabin, he can see Ladyir who is now terrified. Cain says that if Ladyir jumps in his mouth he will become a pirate. Ladyir sticks his hand in and Cain bites it off. Merci enters through the other door and tends to Ladyir while Rick casts spells at Cains butt trying to get him loose. Cain uses whirlwind to get loose sending Rick flying back knocking him uncocious making Cain panic and run after him. He shakes Rick and he wakes up.

Merci asks Ladyir why he wants to be a pirate so badly. Ladyir reveals he doesn't have long to live because he has Kobold Rabies. Merci lets him join the front lines with Cain. After Cain has woken Rick up he shows him Tom. Rick is impressed by Cain's "role-playing" abilities and asks if he wants to join his party, Cain is confused but accepts. Maelstorm walks up to McCoy who is steering the ship and asks for his pirate name. McCoy names him Patches McOneEye. Which Patches accepts but is very obviously upset about. Phineas is talking down to the goblins and spits on them, however he misses and hits Bob instead.

Bob and Phineas have a talk and Bob mentions they are going to Laeyuleaugh which worries Phineas because he doesn't want people to see him with the pirates because the Sunswords will tell his parents. In an effort to make him feel better Bob teaches him how to chokehold. Phineas nearly chokes Bob to death but he escapes, Phineas then casts a blanket of darkness and starts acting crazy making Bob no longer trust him. Night comes and a Meta level UR Live games happens with Rick as DM. Bob notices they are near the island and with Merci's permission leaves to boat to head over to the island promising not to interfere with their raiding plans. Rick has now set up the game, the campaign sees the four (Patches, Cain, Marco/Polo and Ladyir) on a boat, sailing to an island full of skeletons and evil zombie janitors. Maelstrom asks how the game works, and Rick says they are all playing elves, trying to fetch a ruby. However, after some talk from the players, Rick changes it to be a party of skeletons going to go fight elves. Rick (deciding the dice on a meta level, as they’re not rolling), dubs Ladyir the leader - but after threatening from Maelstrom, lets Maelstrom be the leader, and lets Cain be first mate. The ruby will make them all skeleton kings. They are attacked by a group of elves who they defeat. Then pan kittens come and use the baby skeleton as a sacrifice.

Patches starts questioning why they are taking the ruby as they come upon it and they elect not to pick it up. A dragon comes down and defeats them ending the Meta level game. Cain then bites off Rick’s entire arm causing Merci to run over and deal with it telling him that they can get him a new arm

The ship finally reaches shore and Merci tells Joe to inspire the men. Joe isn’t doing a very good job until he gets them all to sing “Fuck the Kobolds”. Merci is pleased with how the men have been rallied and after much deliberation decides that he, McCoy with Cooper, Patches, Joe and Rick will lead the raid into the town. An elf comes up to McCoy asking them why they came to port so late at night, while McCoy argues with him Patches sneaks up behind him and brutally murders him.

During the combat, Rick kills his first ever person, brutally murdering them with arcane missiles. He then also casts a blizzard and cuts through a house with a beam, eviscerating another man, thoroughly impressing Merci. However, as Merci is congratulating Rick, Rick turns and accidentally unloads 7 missiles into Merci, cutting off one of his ears and destroying his hat. Furthermore, Jo accidentally shoots a palm tree, and the deflected shot hits McCoy in the back of the head. Maelstrom accidentally blinks into the Drink, but he is capable of swimming so it is not an issue.

Shop: All guys earned 500 gold from the encounter. Items could only be bought for the new characters, returning characters from Dingo Isles were not able to benefit from the shop. Justin took a ring. Deadbones adopted a pot puppy. Coestar buys the Hammer of Light. Roamin steals the Masterful Ruby (applied to Shiver Me Timbers), buys the Monocle of Magic Sight, and buys the Coin of Providence.

Captain Merci arrives at the mansion with Rick, Ladyir, Marco-Polo and Cain. In one of the shops, McCoy and Phineas converse, and talk about burning the books and how Cooper, as a pot puppy, probably doesn’t have long to live, especially as at one point it lost a leg without McCoy noticing. McCoy also warns Phineas that his tentacle arm comes with bad dreams of people who are tentacles. Phineas also confesses that he’s bored of becoming a pirate, and talks about how he likes hearing the minds of those he ruins with Blanket of Darkness. The two bond over how they’re both messed up and continue ransacking the house.

Meanwhile, Merci and his men talk about finding the key. He tells them to just find the key and not worry about the elves unless they start to attack while he watches the door. Marco and Polo buckle and completely destroy the first room making a cleric run in. Ladyir does to help the goblins. Rick runs to the lake and summons a frost elemental. Cain destroys two book cases making two Sunswords notice his presence. Fenrus is summoned via whistle. Marco attempts to see Fenrus’ max stamina however; he cannot because he is blind. Cain throws his puppy at Fenrus who pretty much eats the dog. Rick sends his frost elemental to go attack Fenrus, and refers to his Urealms Dungeoneer Encyclopedia to see what he can find out about the current situation - Finding that Fenrus creates sun tiles wherever he walks, and standing on them will cause them to explode and give the sun clerics enough energy for a bonus action. Fenrus runs at Rick, but gets momentarily stuck in the door, unable to reach him.

Marco and Polo continue to attack the elves while Ladyir runs ahead to search for the key and then shields himself from attacks. Rick begins unloading all his spells into Fenrus. He then refers to the encyclopedia once again, finding out that Fenrus has 200 max stamina, and is able to regenerate stamina. Ladyir finally finds the key and notifies everyone in the house he’s got it. Everyone finds their way out of the house except for Merci who is captured.

They all collect back at the boat, since Merci is captured McCoy is the new captain and he leaves though Joe and Patches are still in town. Patches attacks Joe because he’s made they sang the “Fuck the Kobolds” song thinking he was making fun of him. He reveals his red eye to Joe before brutally murdering him.

McCoy wants to rescue Merci but knows it is not possible and he is driving the ship back home (presumably to get to Nisovin). Phineas asks who the new first mate will be suggesting Rick. However, McCoy says Cooper, his pot puppy, as the new first mate causing Phineas to get angry. McCoy tires of their arguing and tosses a coin in the air saying whoever catches it is the second mate. Cain catches it and Phineas tries to get it from him but he fails. While this was happening, another ship pulls up next to them filled with Sunswords and Merci on the ship. They are very obviously out numbered.

Phineas attempts to convince McCoy that they should surrender; the man driving the ship is his godfather. McCoy doesn’t listen to him and combat starts. Marco and Polo launch themselves through a canon onto the other ship; this is their special goblin move. McCoy has trained Cooper to drive the ship so McCoy joins in the fight letting his dog steer. He tells Cooper to pull right so the two ships collide. Bob, also on the side of the Sunswords, makes his way onto the Bocoe and goes below deck. Rick decides to hide under a buck and look up Virgo Sunsword at this point he realizes they will not win this fight. Bob takes Octavious into custody. McCoy finds Merci who tells him to stand down or he will loose his life. McCoy reluctantly stands down.

Cain, attempting to sink the ship, head butts it many times but fails so he gives up and climbs on to the ship. An elf saves Ladyir from drowning and is holding him on the bow of the ship. The goblins gain control of the wheel and start steering it back into the other ship. Cain charges trying to help but McCoy stops him. He tells Cain the fight is over, but he can go eat the goblins. Cain happily runs to the goblins but they manage to escape via a failed weigh anchor. Virgo then knocks out Cain and the whole crew is tied up, to be brought to the Silvermine Mountains. However, shortly after this encounter, they are confronted by an Ageless Crew...

Left on the Bocoe is Rick, who assumedly takes over the ship if it didn’t sink. The goblins may have made their way onto the ship with Rick however this is not confirmed.

Episode Guide[edit]

Title Airdate
Character Creation - Episode 0 Sep 11, 2015
Episode 1 Sep 13, 2015
Episode 2 Sep 13, 2015
Episode 3 Sep 14, 2015
Episode 4 Sep 14, 2015
Episode 5 Sep 15, 2015
Episode 6 Sep 15, 2015
Episode 7 Sep 16, 2015
Episode 8 Sep 16, 2015
Episode 9 Sep 17, 2015
Finale - Episode 10 Sep 17, 2015
Behind the Scenes Sep 25, 2015
Campaign Playlist


The new version of the "Fuck the Kobolds" song
Lyrics (Bob):
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them in the eye
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them 'till they die
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them in the butt
Fuck the kobolds, I'll tell you what

Lyrics (Phineas):
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them in the eye
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them 'till they die
Fuck the kobolds, fuck them everyway
I'll kill all kobolds and murder them today


  • This is the first campaign that continues the story of a previous campaign.
  • Coestar is the fifth person to keep a Tambok Ticket for Tambok's Special Friend Show. He adds Terrence, and by extension Warren, to the show, despite Rob's comments on it being "Awkward for this type of show." They were later removed, as Goblins are not allowed to enter Tambok's Special Friend Show.
  • This Campaign occurs at the same time as The Skeleton King.